Am I wrong,right or just a giant hypocrite?

[Konekokun]

My girl's birthday is approaching and I've been wanting to give her my old Iphone as a gift because her current phone is shit.Anyways,while browsing our old conversations I couldn't help but notice all her answers to me were short..disinterested..and with lots of elipsis.I used to write long messages and she'd answer with a couple of words and lots and lots of elipsis.Sometimes she'd text me while masturbating..supposedly to make me happy although I didn't really want that..And even then her texts seemed bored and short.Eitherway..I came across a text where she said she was using a marker to masturbate..I don't know why..but I was filled with a feeling of..betrayal..disgust..jealousy..I dunno..Something else inside her beside me? How dare she? I think to myself..(This was way before I even considered buying an onaho).Now,rereading those texts I feel like she barely cared..with those short disinterested texts...When we had our first time..she took my virginity..but I didn't take her...I felt like she had someone else..disgusted...when I confronted her about it..she told me she used to masturbate with lots of other things and probably broke her hymen with one of those..What?! I feel even more jealous..disgusted..I was supposed to do that...Ugh..Now,I probably seem (and feel) like a giant hypocrite because I own an onaho,but I've only used it two or three times because I'd feel extremely wrong..like I'm cheating on her...but she had no issues putting other things inside her...I am grossed out..angered..disgusted..jealous..and I don't know what to think.Am I wrong to feel this way? I love her..but I feel cheated..I really hope she doesn't call me until I can figure things out or my relationship might suffer...My trusted and loved /b/ just called me a faggot..So I've turned to you guys..I need some advice..What do you think?

[0xFF]

You're not an hypocrite, you're simply lacking self confidence.

This is a very common problem for men in their relationship with women. Society keeps pressuring us to be "manly". One is expected to be powerful and dominating, otherwise he will be mocked for being a pussy. So men are constantly afraid of anything that could make them less manly (if only in appearance).

This fear leads many men to do incredibly stupid things. I've seen men who didn't want their girlfriend to go out without them, or to dress sexy. I heard a guy once say that he was feeling uneasy with his girlfriend because she had many partners before him and he was constantly afraid of not being up to them.

All of this is stupid. Remember that your girlfriend chose you. She may had someone before you. She may have sex toys. There may be plenty of other guys she could have dated. But, even with all that, she chose you. Be proud of it.

By the way, the hymen as a proof of virginity is pure bullshit. Of course it can be broken by masturbation (especially if done with dildo). It can also be broken, or eroded, by menstrual tampons. It can also be broken by a violent shock, young girls who practice horse riding or gymnastic often loose their hymen.

The fact that your girlfriend masturbate doesn't mean you're not satisfying her. The fact that you're masturbating (with our without toys) doesn't mean you're cheating. Masturbation and sex are different things. Having one doesn't mean you can't enjoy the other.

So my advice is : just forget the fear. Just ignore the pressure. And buy your girl a dildo or a magic wand for her birthday, she will love it

[AkaiHebi]

First of all, let me approve with what 0xFF wrote. Also, I'd like to put the right words on things: society expects women to be docile spouses and men to be virile ("manly"). Those who don't fit are being shamed, insulted, excluded. This is called patriarchy, and is a system. What fights patriarchy is feminism. That's why boys and men can be feminists, can call for their right to have feelings, to cry, to not catcall girls in the streets, to not have to marry who the family has choosen, to choose whether they want kids, to dress in cute and colorful clothing.
It's not easy to see how much "be like this but don't be like that" is being pushed on boys and girls early on because most of us always lived in the middle of it. How many do really want to be what society wants them to be ? Not many. So we all are being forced into this system, and we suffer that we can't be who we are and who we want to be.

This being said, let's see how it applies to the situation. Konekokun, from what I read I guess you're a kind boyfriend who wants to be happy together with your girlfriend. Like in all relationships, love, friendship, business or any other, there is doubt. In honest love, doubt can harm, and hurts. Maybe you see a double meaning in her ellipses where there isn't. Maybe her short texts are simply explained by how shitty her phone is and how tiresome typing a text is with it. Maybe your texting always happens in situations where she'd rather not want to be bothered like during studies or while watching her favorite series on TV. In no case should those short texts mean to you that she has little interest in you. If you have doubts like this, then I really recommend you to talk to her about it. You don't have to convince her of anything: you simply asking her because you worried a bit, it will make her consider how to not worry you about such little thing anymore.

Let's talk a little bit about virginity. I didn't insert my penis in a vagina, but if I did it today I wouldn't feel like I "lost" something or like I "graduated". One more thing feminism is good for: you don't need to have sex to be validated as a real man/woman. Don't let yourself blinded by bullshit about "XX% of teenagers aged YY have done it", it is your body, your mind, your choice, and nobody can force you into something you don't want to. Instead of "one-time virginity", think of it as.. the total trust and joy with one (or more ?) other people. Each time you have sex, it's about feeling good together. The number of times one did it before has only one importance: how well that person knows how their body reacts during sex, what feels the best, and what feels not good. Trust me: this is really really important if you want the sex to feel good for both and have a great experience. That's why, in my opinion, it can be disastrous if both people had no previous sex experience and can't support each other. I read way too many stories online of people who deeply regret their first times because, by lack of experience and because of society's pressure, it totally failed and caused sadness, pain, sometimes even trauma.

Now, to the masturbation. You do it with onaholes, she does it with a marker and possibly other tools/toys. Both do it with your hands. Masturbation is a very natural thing, it feels good, it's harmless and it relieves stress and sexual tension. It may seem selfish when one has a good time masturbating while the other is not around, but it is not. It's really important to not feel jealous when your partner masturbates, and don't even start asking yourself if your partner is fantasizing of someone else. It leads nowhere and simply hurts. Remember always that lovers are still free human beings, and freedom is also being able to masturbate whenever you want to (well, not in public of course !). Masturbation.. I think it's a simple basic urge. Sometimes, unexpected, you just feel like it, and you do. That's fine ! People do it on the workplace, people do it to relieve stress before having a speech or serious meeting, people even do it before going shopping so they can more calmly decide what to buy (and thus saving money). But let's not reduce masturbation to a functional thing: me, you, your girlfriend, 0xFF, everybody has sexual fantasies, some realistic, some not. Fantasies like dreams are really very very private things and that you can't always control. Does it affect your relationship ? Yes it actually does ! When you trust each other very much then you can share your fantasies, and discuss how you could maybe make some of them reality. The simple thought of you and her playing with each other's fantasies surely makes you hard like a rock and her wet like a river ! Turn this into a game, where you share with each other what you recently masturbated to, and try making it a real sex act !

One more thing, think about it: how about you both go masturbate, in front of each other ? See how she does it, let her see how you do it, and then... help each other This is so mind-twisting: physically you feel like you're masturbating like usual, but.. your brain figures out it's not your hand touching down there ! Confusing as fuck, and soooo sweetly awesome. You can upgrade this game later with sextoys too ! Ooh damn I'm getting carried away, well, I can't deny there were quite hot times on Skype

Her birthday. While I don't know how important that event is for her, I guess it's a good time to make her happy... in all kind of ways ^^ About the iPhone: mmh. First of all don't forget to wipe all data. This is actually quite a costy gift, and, well, Apple is the kind of company that collects all user data for nobody knows what reason so if she's sensitive to privacy, freedoms and user data protection, then the iPhone may be a sad gift to her. Anyway. If you do, maybe leave a "special picture" for her on it, a little extra surprise she can use at that night
0xFF → dildo or vibrator for birthday ? well it's not a bad idea, but first of all they should both be over 18, and it's much better if she can choose what kind of toy she'd like. Picture this: both of them, holding hands and entering the sexshop, happily looking around to find the next toys they'll use in bed !

Finally, just a few words on /b/: anons are sometimes helpful, but often anons are only meanies (especially in summer). It's really not cool to turn down so harshly somebody who wants advice, let alone with the word "faggot" that says as much as "don't be a pussy / man up ! / what do you even have between your legs ?!".. patriarchy, clear and simple. Your questions are perfectly valid and there's no shame to have in that. Hopefully, we could help you out

EDIT: oops, forgot to add: many girls are born without hymen at all, hymen can be really thin, hymen can be "broken" without any blood flowing, hymen can be so thick and strong they need to be removed by surgery. So as "virginity marker" (or any other man-made reason), hymens are totally useless and yet another tool used by men to take control over women's lifes.

[Larketh]

I've only used it two or three times because I'd feel extremely wrong..like I'm cheating on her.
Am I wrong to feel this way?

To feel like you betray her, you are certainly wrong. If you were honest about your relationship in advance and remained true to her, it wouldn't be betrayal for you to have sex with another woman either.

To feel jealousy and anger, you are probably wrong. Now, as to why you may feel wrong.

It probably has nothing to do with a need to feel manly. Females feel as you describe sometimes also and its not because those females need to feel manly. Beware of feminist deception trying to pin all problems on manliness even when it fits like a square peg in a round hole. -- or for this board, round peg in square hole would be more appropriate. Don't let feminism define what manliness is -- they define it for the advantage of women and to demonize men.

You listed multiple emotions why you feel each may be different but related. What they have in common is expectations and beliefs which are possibly unnecessary. She texted you when she masturbated. She probably did not do that to demoralize you but instead to share something intimate with you or excite you erotically or for her own stimulation. She was including you with that act -- not exclude you. Sometimes women do mean things to men to see whether they drive the men away. It is a kind of testing. Some call this "shit testing". I had a girlfriend who did it to me, then told me that was the reason. I think that probably not what your girlfriend was doing though. For jealousy, who is she thinking of while masturbating? She is at least thinking of you and including you enough to contact you of her own initiative. (I presume) she wants to delight you. It's a positive sign, so I advise not letting it bother you.

Something else inside her beside me? How dare she?

It's understandable that you want her pleasure to be tied to you. That works for some females, but its not how she is, apparently. You can ask her affectionately if she would reserve erotic pleasure for her time with you. I'm not advising you to do so. You must judge based on the situation and your understanding of her. Usually, it wouldn't hurt to request if you see her often enough to satisfy her.

[AkaiHebi]

Don't let feminism define what manliness is -- they define it for the advantage of women and to demonize men.

I disagree with you, feminism is about equal rights and broader freedoms for all, not being "anti-men" I know there are many misunderstandings and even debates on the very name of the movement, maybe we should go more in-dept in another thread ^^

[0xFF]

It probably has nothing to do with a need to feel manly.

I may have misused the word "manly" here. I didn't say Konekokun didn't feel manly enough. What I tried to say is that the pressure our society puts on men is (in my humble opinion) the source of his relationship problem. Society expect men to be straight, to have a girlfriend and to satisfy her sexually. If you fail (or look like you fail) to do that then you're shamed.

So when Konekokun says "Something else inside her beside me? How dare she?", I understand it as "She's using a toy because I am not satisfying her sexually. Therefore I am a failure as a man". Maybe I'm reading too deep in this but this is what it looks like to me.

Humans are social animals. We survive by creating groups and working together. It's part of our instincts to abide by the group's expectation and to be afraid of being excluded from it. It's normal for someone to feel uneasy when he doesn't manage to be what the authority figure tells him to be. Want an example of that ? Just show a gay porn to a straight man (or at least a man who isn't openly gay). That man will probably react by showing disgust for what he's seeing and refuse to see more of it. Show a lesbian porn to a straight women, she will just tell you she isn't into that sort of things but she won't show disgust. Does that mean there is a lesbian hidden into every woman ? Hell no ! It just means men are so afraid of other believing they might be gay (even if they aren't) that they will instinctively fake disgust when showed something gay. Women on the other hand aren't pressured that way so they don't have to fake anything.

So Konekokun is afraid of not satisfying his girlfriend because the group (society in this case) tells him he must do so. But his girlfriend probably don't understand this because, as a woman, she isn't pressured the same way (society have expectations for women as well of course, but not the same). For her, saying "Hey I'm masturbating with a marker !" doesn't mean "Hey I'm using a marker because you're not enough for me !", but rather "Hey I want you to be aroused by thinking of me right now !". Women enjoy getting attention after all

[Fryz3]

You already have gotten advice from other people and there is nothing for me to add, only to repeat. a lot of doubt in this situation, and it is reassuring to hear what someone has to say about it.
So, one more cant hurt
To me it looks like your girlfriend is a nymphomaniac, means: "a woman with abnormal sexual desires".
To put it bluntly, she likes sex, and there is nothing wrong with it. everyone has sexual desires and when that time comes, people mastrebate.
The best option you could do is just be honest with her. if you love her, then say what you feel.
dont let the feeling crumble inside you, because that will only make you suffer more and make the feeling worse.
If you tell her what is bothering you, she surely will understand it and together you can search for a solution.

and another thing, there is no reason to be jealous. she likes to do dirty things, and maybe you can upgrade your relationship to a more ... dirty one